Wednesday, November 22, 2006

65 Things You Need to Know

1. Your guild doesn’t need you. They like you, but if you left the guild it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.

2. Your guild only really needs one Blacksmith, one Alchemist, etc. Make it someone you trust. Better yet, make it someone that lives in ‘punching range’, because they’re going to gquit after turning in the guilds’ ten zillion dark iron mats for recipes.

3. Don’t make that ‘one person’ anyone that lives with Mom. They don’t understand responsibility yet. Make those people the Designated Herbalist or Miner or whatever.

4. No, seriously. If you live with Mom, you still just don’t get it. I know you think you’re all grown up, but you aren’t yet. I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you.

5. There’s no Santa Claus, either. That was just Mom and Dad lying to you.

6. Once there’s one in the guild, everyone needs that “Recipe: Flask of the Titans” like everyone needs 700 gold. We honestly don’t care what level Alchemy you’re at.

7. If you need the item, just hit need. I’m rolling greed to disenchant. No one will yell at a rogue for needing leather armor with agility on it.

8. It’s really not that difficult.

9. You don’t “deserve” the tiger or raptor mount just because you’re too lazy to have earned an epic mount like the rest of us.

10. What are you, fucking retarded? You should have repaired before you got here.

11. Look it up yourself on Thottbot. You can find anything on there.

12. Yes, even which mats are required for Enchant X.

13. If you never said another word in the Trade or Lookingforgroup channels again, the world would be a better place.

14. Nobody cares that you reported or ignored anyone. Ever. Do it or don’t do it, but just keep it to yourself.
I personally still find Chuck Norris jokes funny, but if I want to read a new one, I go to a webpage. Not the Barrens.

16. Using the general chat inside of instances is annoying. Nobody cares about your ‘shouts out to your homies’. Cyber them in tells.

17. People don’t honestly expect to pay you for your tradeskill if they provide mats. I hope you bought that crusader recipe for yourself, because I don’t give a shit how much you paid for it. I’ll give you 1g TOPS, and that’s usually only if something expensive of my own just sold. There are hundreds of people on every server with that (or any other) recipe; I can wait until a guildie logs in later and get it for free, or you can have 1 gold for clicking the fucking button now.

18. Yes, I’m an enchanter, and 300. I SELL any rare recipe that drops and the shards I get disenchanting shit, that’s the big secret to how enchanting makes you money. Ever notice it costs NOTHING to post enchanting mat auctions? Bingo.

19. We are living in a generation of impulse buyers. 90% of people will ‘buyout’ auctions rather than bid, even if they’re 30 seconds from logging out for the night. Use that to your advantage.

20. Nobody “wants to run you through RFC”. Get a guildie or just skip it. The shit you get is pointless by level 12 anyway, and seriously… I can roll a new toon, go take a crap, and come back to find a level 13 toon waiting for me.


22. Nobody keeps (or even consults) a list of ‘known ninjas’. Next time you’re about to start a thread on the forums about one, just go take a cold shower instead. Cold showers aren’t there the next day for all to see.

23. Every strategy you have in AV is wrong. Save your frantic typing for cybering on the tram later. AV, by design, is a PUG. If they wanted you to have organization in there, they’d let 40 people join as a group. They don’t. Imagine that.

24. The best thing to grind for is money. It always drops.

25. Two people working together can clear twice as many mobs. You get half the XP, but 2 x .5 = 1. Amazing, I know.

26. Everyone hates the yell channel, because you can’t ‘leave’ it.

27. Run TO the tank. Not away. If he’s busy, or trying to help you, wait patiently. Running in circles like an idiot doesn’t hamper the computer’s ability to hurt you, it only hampers your teammates ability to help you.

28. Besides, nobody cares that you “have aggro”. See below.

29. There are two parts to ‘aggro’. Tanks are supposed to get it and keep it. Rogues and casters are supposed to do just enough damage that they never take it. It’s a fine line. Learn to play your class.

30. Any mage ‘pulling’ mobs deserves to die and run back. Yes, there are occasions, but I’m not talking about those.

31. Any warrior claiming to be a tank needs a shield to be taken seriously.

32. Daggers and swords both have advantages and disadvantages for rogues. Shut the fuck up, we get it.

33. Fire and Frost for mages. See above.

34. Spec A and Spec B for Class X. See above.

35. If you’re a warlock, it’s your job to soulstone a rezzer. Not their job to ask.

36. The raid will not be arranged around you. Try to think of what you ‘offer’ instead of what you can ‘get’. Singular rogues demanding a hunter (Trueshot), warrior (Battleshout), shaman (Windfury), and feral druid (LotP) all to be placed in their own private little group usually get stuck with the priests for manatide. Do you offer hemorrhage for the raid? Is there anything at all that you ‘give’? Only take? Well, then… ‘take’ a seat and shut the fuck up.

37. Yes, I have a rogue.

38. White people were never meant to call other white people ‘nigga’.

39. No one cares about your Lag. Try defragging your RAM or over-clocking your Parallel ports. If it’s not that, it’s probably got something to do with your ISA slots on the motherboards. You probably need to update their firmwares.

40. For Fuck’s Sake. Learn to use a computer.

41. You aren’t the greatest ever. Seriously. I guarantee it.

42. Hakkar whispers everyone. You aren’t special.

43. We know you killed Nef. We all got the buff and can see the big fucking head sitting there. Thanks. Using the yell channel just makes you look stupid.

44. If you’re a reagent using class, suck it up or reroll. No one cares.

45. We all pay to repair. No one cares how much it cost you.

46. No one cares who’s leading in DPS right now.

47. Use ‘push to talk’.

48. Tpyos Happne. Get over it. It isn’t a unique source of comedy.

49. If I decide to buy gold, the last place I’ll look for info on where to find that gold is from random tells or in-game mails from “NÓ‘yzõÔńĜ”.

50. It was a fucking hammer. Not an axe.

51. Ganking is when a horrendously overpowered player kills a lowbie, or five equally leveled players team up to kill one. A lone 60 cannot ‘gank’ another lone 60. You fucking died. There was no ‘ganking’ involved.

52. It’s Pee Vee Fucking Pee. Reroll on a PvE server if you don’t like it.

53. Nightelves are gay. Flamboyantly so.

54. Taurens with the words Moo or Cow or Bull or Beef or whatever-the-fuck in their name stopped being clever before the game was ever released to the public.

55. GuildWars is the best place to /dance.

56. I don’t play GuildWars.

57. You aren’t funny.

58. Your taste in music sucks. Keep it off of vent.

59. I’m leading the raid. Shut the fuck up. Start your own raid and talk about giraffes or whatever-the-fuck you want in a separate channel.

60. Rez the dead and rebuff. I’m pulling in 30 seconds. Standing around with our thumbs in our asses is pointless.

61. Everyone has seen the Onyxia video. Stop quoting it. Ha. Ha. Ha. 50 dkp. Oh man. Seriously.

62. Don’t even get me started on Leroy. That was like 12 years ago.

63. Everybody gets nerfed. Deal with it or just kill yourself and get it over with. Either way works for me.

64. I hate you.

65. Rawr.



No comments: