Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The End of Beta (tm)

So last week, I mentioned that I thought I had deleted my screenshots folder from my install of the Burning Crusade beta after the beta had ‘ended’ in a spectacutronical display of spectutronically spec… tac… yeah. It turns out my 6 years in I.T. had kicked in (probably while under the influence of large doses of alcohol), and I had actually ‘migrated’ (that’s I.T. jargon, there) the screens to my default World of Warcraft folder before blowing away the install. I seem to mash that PrintScreen key a lot on accident as I fat finger the backspace key during chat or whatever. Sometimes it’s good to go in there and see if you can remember what made you take a screenshot of the dead bunny in the first place (*hint* check the combat log!).

Imagine my surprise when I rediscovered all of the craptaculous
screenshots I had taken for YOU, my dear readers! Hooray! So, without
further ado, let’s get this show on the road! This post has also been typed
to keep the text from scrolling off to the right since all the images line up
along the left side of the screen. I know it's weird, but I have yet to figure
out every nuance of how this editor works. Deal with it. It builds character.

Our story, like many before it, began with a simple blue post on the WoW
General Forums.

This thread immedately had about 800 responses, 98% of which were
people crying about this post being found on the (public) General boards,
even though the event itself was relegated to the (not public) beta

75% of that 98% were people swearing that this was the final straw and
that they would be cancelling their account as soon as humanly possible.

I had pretty much given up on the beta after a few weeks of playing it,
because it broke my soul to get such good drops, and to gain level after
level, only to know ‘it doesn’t count’. I mean, yeah… I know none of the
entire game actually amounts to anything in the long run, but the beta just
felt ‘extra pointless’ to me for some reason. I got to level 63 or something
on my one toon (a warrior), and then pretty much just went back to live.
Everyone would have the expansion soon enough, and I was keeping myself
busy on live leveling a rogue. There would be plenty of time to do all that
crap later.

ANYWAY. So I decide to pop back in and see what all the commotion is
about. I can’t believe that I actually happened to catch that post on time,
and still be able to patch and patch and patch and patch and patch and
still be in Ogrimmar before it ‘ended’. My laptop is an utter piece of garbage,
and every option that’s ‘turn-down-able’ in the settings is maxxed at the
bottom of the barrel. That’s still not enough to manage a decent framerate,
so I even crop out a good two thirds of my screen to ‘black bar mode’ to
further shrink the display. This is all in an 800x600 window, and my UI when
I’m playing (on my laptop only, duh) ends up looking like this:

(from here on out, each image has been resized… click them
for the full-sized glory if desired)

I cranked up all the details and textures for YOU, dear reader, so you could
experience the full earth shattering glory of The End of Beta (tm). I’ve been
beating around the bush a little bit here, because The End of Beta (tm) wasn’t
really that exciting after all. It basically amounted to GMs summoning a few
of the same mobs over and over in the middle of Ogrimmar, and people
going all out in retard-o mode using the yell channel of chat. The reason I
say ‘the same mobs over and over’ is because they couldn’t just summon
C’thun or whatever because he has scripts that run during the encounter
that would ‘break’ Ogrimmar. Something like Kazzak is supposed to be
fought outside of an instance, so he’s okay. Anyway, on to the pics:

Some bugs. I think from AQ40 or something? My guilds have always been
pretty craptactular, so we never got very far in there. One month I found
myself in a guild that was up to Sartura or something, but it was scary. I
have a Blue Resonating Crystal that sits in my bank, wasting a bagslot.

Rawr, I’m a big bug!

Emeriss. One of the world dragons, if I’m not mistaken.

Kruul and Kazzak, simultaneously.

Those obsidian guys from the beginning of AQ40.

Happy Chinese New Year, or something!

Overlord Saurfang. Everybody loves this guy or something. He got blown up
to "Super Mario World 4 Mode" and fought some Alliance NPC for a while.

…eventually Saurfang lost, BTW.

The king of Iron Forge. He’s a dwarf, I think.

Watch out Frodo, use the elf bottle of light thing!

Oh, Sam!

Thunderfury did not drop. That actually reminds me, but I don’t have a
screenshot for it… after everything died, people would begin spamming LINK
LOOTS! Link TEH LOOTS! WHAT DROPPED?! …as if it fucking matters what
dropped, the beta is ending in an hour, you dipshits.

So yeah. For the sake of the screenshots above, I hid my UI while snapping
off pics, but that isn’t to say there wasn’t a delightful stream of engaging
conversation taking place in between each mob…

Ah, lol… I lied. Here’s a shot of some winner asking for LEWTs,
as well as someone informing everyone of the FF ARROW…?
I like Peeface’s name, though.

”101 101 L t A A F” apparently spells out ZUG ZUG NIGGA
on Alliance chat, so you can be sure that was a popular icebreaker.

This person was roleplaying being hungry, I think.

I like this one for a few reasons. (1) This is right about when the everyone
realized that everyone in the beta was from (gasp!) all different servers.
Typical territorial pissing ensues. (2) I’m not sure why, but saying that a
certain guild ‘goes into restaurants and eats all the food’ just strikes me as
hilarious. (3) Outright begging to be recognized for getting a stupid mount
that can fly, before it’s wiped out forever. LOL @ U.

This wasn’t even during The End of Beta (tm). I think this was a random
pre-expansion AV on Scilla. As I was going thru my screenshots folder
looking for noteworthy chatlogs, this one refused to be ignored.

He just kept going like that for a while…

Fpsdoug gets the Energizer Bunny award for just going and going… 97% of
what he said during The End of Beta (tm) made no sense whatsoever… DDR? HEAGEN? I think he was
having a seizure or something, and was desperately trying to get help. Rest
in peace, Doug. Gone, but not forgotten.

Here’s where someone inevitably begins complaining that having 40 man raid
bosses dropped in the middle of Ogrimmar isn’t engaging enough for him. He
preferred the old Ogrimmar vibe of scanning the Auctionhouse or checking
his mail. That was back when the game was fun!

His sentiment is immediately latched onto, and the fanclub is formed.

Anther common theme in the chat was people drinking quarts of KY to help
facilitate smooth entry of Blizz’s weiners into their mouths. I’m sure Blizzard
was taking notes during the shitstorm, Lokki and Sandia. Keep checking
your mailbox for free copies of the New Starcraft Beta (tm)! You’ll be first in line
to beta test for your kind comments while everyone else was busy typing in
synonyms for penis! I felt no such obligation, as I applied, but was
ultimately rejected for the beta. TOO BAD AN OLD GUILDMATE HAS A CM

Suck it! God, I’m so badass.

No comments: