Tuesday, September 4, 2007

A rogue named Ming (*updated*)

If the title of this thread meant anything to you, then you probably know of who I speak. For those blissfully unaware, I’m kind of at a crossroads here. On the one hand, I could leave you mercifully ignorant; but on the other hand, my job here is to make you laugh, and laughing AT somebody is so much better than laughing WITH somebody, amirite?

Hello. My name is isobelle, and I just need to squeeze a little nerd-rage-lol out here. The whole thing has gotten completely out of control, and it’s time to address the situation. But first, a little background.

There’s a rogue that plays WoW, and his name is Ming. He likes to PvP, and fancies himself to be pretty good at it. His threads in the Rogue Forums of WoW are the kind of threads that get “FIRST!!” replies posted in them, because they all inevitably spam out into 8 page ramblings of everyone posting their little thoughts or ASCII arts or whatever into. The guy has one thing going for him, and I’ll give him this straight up: he really doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. He is so far embedded into his own little world that the outside world just bounces off the shell, and he continues on in his own little way blissfully unaware.

Either that, or he is a brilliant Troll, and I have grossly underestimated him.

Ming used to have a website called worldofming.com where he would post little blog entries, relating to rogue buffs and nerfs, and the current state of affairs for rogues in relation to PvP. Now, rogues are pretty good classes to roll if you’re into PvP because you can stand right in front of someone while ‘stealthed’ and they can’t see you. This alone used to piss me off to no end. I’d be out in the middle of Desolace, with nary a tree or shrub as far as the eye could see, and yet here was a rogue that just popped out of stealth and stun-locked me to 0 hit points before I ever even had a chance to click a single button. Where the fuck was he hiding, behind the air?

The fact of the matter is that I rolled a rogue of my own, and hide behind the air all the time now, so moot point.


That was how I discovered Ming, by visitng the Rogue boards for the first few days of my new rogue, and trying to get some tips. I saw posts referring to Ming way before I ever saw an actual post by the legend himself. It was a while before I discovered his own personal website, and that’s when everything began to spiral out of control.

His early posts used to actually stay on topic. It was kind of a play by play about recent duels he had participated in, highlighting how certain specs vie against others. Resto Shamans versus ShadowStep Hemo. Mutilate versus a Frost Mage. That was cool. It was informational, and it was interesting, even if his dueling ‘rules’ seemed a bit silly; in order for him to accept the duel, you have to just stand there and give him the coming-out-of-stealth-opener. This makes the duels go much faster, obviously, but if you can knock a rogue out before the sap / garrote / cheapshot land, you’ve done yourself a huge favor.

Okay! Background out of the way! The thing that’s seems to have happened recently, is that the page views have gone to his already overswole head, and now he posts 90% drivel about his (lack of a) love life, and how he “totally nailed that job interview like he shadowstepped a mage at 20% health while drinking water” (not making that last one up).

His most common fascination is telling everyone all about “RL Ming” which is apparently some Chinese woman he’s pursued (unsuccessfully) for 8 years now, trying to get in her pants. She pretty much blows him off on a regular basis, so he created a WoW character named Ming, after her, and uses it to feel closer to her. Now he’s apparently met some woman in China over the internet, and he intends to marry her, WITHOUT EVER HAVING MET HER. Apparently the girl in question is a girl he has been speaking to on MSN for a while now and she is an avid WoW fan and loves Ming's blog. She's also apparently “watched all of his PvP videos”.

His latest expose unravels:

After a grueling 16 hour straight flight with little to no leg room, I landed in Shanghai with a lot of pain, feeling it in my knees but it was all worth it when I finally met the most important person in my life. I will write a lot more about this subject when I come home, but let's just say there are three tomoes in each sharingan, and by the same token, there are three very important women in my life.

Ming of real life (whose picture is now in the WOM logo) was the person that inspired me to create my character. She was the very first girl I ever fell in love with, and it has been a Nauto-Sakura relationship, as one-sided as it can possibly be. I have done countless stupid things for her over the 8 years that I pursued her. Yet she always taught me that yes, there can be mutual friendship between us, the friendship of a life time, the friendship where we would do anything for eachother except a romantic relationship.

Ming of WOW was created when I lost all my jutsus after my career as a day trader ended, and when I felt I no longer had the strength to protect her happiness. While this is a fictional character, in many ways it allowed me to soullink myself to the Ming of real life. It allowed me to fight for her when I no longer could in real life. And more importantly, Ming of WOW eventually led me to the third and final mangkeyou sharingan user, who will finally lift my cursed seal and allow me to unlock my true potential.

Expect a lot more on the subject in coming days, let's just say the lotus does bloom in Azeroth. I can't describe this feeling I have, it is like a long journey that finally reached its destination, a scorpid finally tamed by someone the likes of Hamchook . . .

The first paragraph there is a little alarming… “it was all worth it when I finally met the most important person in my life”. He’s talking about meeting the person who will become his wife for the first time. Now, meeting my wife was an important occasion, obviously. I married her. But I didn’t know she was going to be my wife before I met her. Mail order brides are awesome if you just gotta have a Chinese Vagina in your life or whatever, but dude? Srsly? And then in the SAME PARAGRAPH, he’s still going on about this other “RL Ming”. Even mail order brides shouldn’t have to take that kind of crap. I feel bad for both of these women, and I don’t even know them!

Naruto references aside (and oh yeah, there’s a lot of them), it’s like he KNOWS the truth (the entire second paragraph), but just can’t accept it. She’s been like “yeah, whatever” for 8 years, and in his mind, he’s seeing only the “yeah”. Christ, now I feel bad for him, too. The third paragraph goes on about “losing jutsus” (?) and how he no longer had the strength to ‘protect her happiness’? He could ‘no longer fight for her’? Dude. Seriously. Lift your cursed seal? Scorpid finally tamed? What the fuck are you talking about!?


So that’s his latest post. Funny, but tips on how to defeat a Soul Link Warlock didn’t really emerge there. Let’s try the post where he tells us about his new job interview!

When I played stocks, one of the biggest problem I had was that I couldn't stomach high risk trades. I have always been a very consistent performer, I had one of the highest winning percentages compared to most other traders at my firm, however when it came down to the total profit earned, I wasn't top tier. In many ways, I went into the gold mountain known as the Nasdaq of 1999-2000 and came out with a few nuggets, while others who were more daring came up with much bigger gains. Ming of RL, in many ways, was the person that inspired me to dream bigger. I told her if she has a business proposal I would sell everything I have from my apartment to my underwear and risk it all with her, because win or lose I will have no regret whatsoever.

Ah crap, wrong one, that was another one about that girl that hates him, and how he would sell his underwear for her. Hold on, I got it here somewhere…

Well, a week ago I would have never imagined in my weakened state, I would be able to land a job of this caliber. Yet in my first serious interview of the past three years, I got what can only be described as the position that will eliminate my "resurrection weakness". The company is very high profile, the type that a scrub like me desperately needs on the resume . The pay is substantially higher than my very low salary requirement. I would say if I can hold this job for three years, I will be back to full strength, most likely even stronger than my previous peak. In fact, this is the highest profiled company I have ever been directly employed by. From the moment I walked into the lobby, everything screamed top tier, I felt like a level 5 character first seeing Stormwind.

Despite of being able to zerg me with numbers, they asked me questions that I thought were extremely easy but when I answered them, they were actually impressed. "What is the difference between equity and fixed income?" When I said "In oversimplified terms, equities are stocks and fixed income are bonds" one of the guys said I was the first one who answered this question correctly. Now granted, this is for the most part a technical position that only requires basic financial background, but that question in term of difficulty scale is the equivalent of shadowstep ambushing a drinking caster with 20% health. This has to be the smoothest, easiest interview I have ever been on.

Pretty sure I don’t want to know what brought on the ‘weakened state’ (Yeah baby, just keep dancing on the mailbox like that… I’m going afk for a second… I mean, I’ll still be at the keyboard, just… not… typing much), but comparing it to resurrection sickness is the first indicator you play too much. I can imagine if you told the receptionist “DUDE, THIS PLACE IS LIKE SEEING STORMWIND FOR THE FIRST TIME!” the interview probably would have been cancelled. To think that these are the people that handle my 401k is… chilling.

In the end though, Ming will continue to be Ming, and for that alone I applaud him. Nothing anyone can say or do will hold any sway over him. I mean, he's had a girl tell him to fuck off for pretty much 8 years, and he still can't even talk about his new fiancee without including a reference to this other girl in the same sentence. My only regret is that I couldn't find the one quote that to me epitomizes everything about Ming in a single sentence. People on his site were getting sick of all the Naruto references, so they began to recommend other anime that he might like.

He ended up really liking Ruroni Kenshin, because "the main character reminded me of myself".

You go, Ming. You just... go with your bad self.

... the saga continues, apparently...

Where do I begin? My physical form is here in the U.S. as I must continue to protect the rogue community with my wings, yet my soul is bound to her in Shanghai. This was the happiest week in my life. Not only she cleansed the darkness in my heart, but she also removed a scar that Ming of RL left in me years ago. My life is complete now I have found the answer to all of my questions. As a result I have obtained a higher level of strength only these who have tasted true love can understand.

1 comment:

Sara Pickell said...

I can't tell if I'm amused or creeped out. A mixture of both I guess.