Monday, March 10, 2008

Snorehammer, The Followup

Our comment system sucks right now. The website is going thru a few changes (maybe you've noticed!). The Warhammer Flamefest Preview I wrote last week seemed to hit a few choice chords with our 'audience' here, so I thought I'd take a chance to answer a few key points in a summarized format.

This is not going to become a weekly series or anything; I just wanted to point out a few things that seemed to be glaringly overlooked in my previous rant about Warhammer Online.

1) It was a rant. I believe I said so on more than one occasion. Perhaps the lack of a Gamespot score, the abundance of curse words, or the requesting that the source code be hurled off the White Cliffs of Dover might have tipped you off there.

2) I really don’t give two shits what anyone thinks. This one is going to confuse a lot of people, but you’re going to have to trust me when I say there is really no benefit for me to say anything other than what I feel on this site. I don’t get paid for anything I write here (yet?), and honestly have no animosity towards anyone trying to make a good game. Warhammer is NOT a good game in its current status. It’s not finished, I fucking know that, and yet still people felt the need to point that out like 50 times. Thanks, Detective. You’ve solved the crime. Way to go. People go on to call me a WoW “fanboi” because I’m flaming their precious Snorehammer beta. The irony of that is not lost on me.

5) I won’t have the chance to see if it gets any better since my account was banned. Oh noes.

D) But perhaps most importantly, I didn’t WANT to hate the game; I really just had no other choice. I think on more than one occasion I lamented this fact. The whole first paragraph was how I pretty much creamed my pants on seeing I was accepted into the beta, and how even after the huge disappointment that the beta vomited on me, I WILL STILL SING ITS PRAISES IF THE RETAIL GAME PROVES TO BE BETTER.

G) i actually made it past level 5, asshats. it's called sarcasm.

Q) The final copout comes from people claiming the game is for a more mature audience, and that I just don’t ‘get it’. Hate to shatter your dreams, but I’m 32 years old. I've grown up and moved out of the country. I don't want to crush your achievements, but you aren’t the epitome of adolescence riding your Huffy ten speed to McDonald's to work the drive thru. Game-wise, I’ve been in and out of guilds, and usually am one of the few that actually do shit and get shit done. I’m the guy on vent telling you (and probably your mom in the background) to shut the fuck up, or the one you send messages to asking how much DKP you have because you’re too retarded to figure it out for yourself. Learn to spell, or don't bother replying.

Z) Last point that needs to be addressed is apparently that YES OMG I PLAY WOW. SO FUCKING SUE ME. Thank god that’s out of the way.

All that said, here are a few more points that maybe just need to be clarified.


Boy oh boy I really hope they get this right. I really hope that War Is Everywhere. Because if not (and right now it’s not), then this is just a more sucky version of WoW. People love to complain about WoW’s pvp system (or lack thereof). Go for it. I certainly won’t call you names. It’s instanced. It’s silly. I don’t really do it. I roll on PvP servers so I can kill night elves that /wave to me as they’re trying to mine adamantite ore. That’s about as far into it as I get. Maybe I’ll AFK an AV to get welfare epix. But not really. To me the whole implementation of WoW’s pvp isn’t worth even hassling with. If Warhammer gets this right, it would be huge, it would be fun, and I could really see it being a positive draw for many people. THAT SAID, the amount of RvR I PERSONALLY EXPERIENCED (which I fucking said, if you actually go back and read the thing) pretty much amounted to me trying to solo my way from Tarren Mill to Southshore. Everyone (for some fucking reason) seems to remember TM vs SS as the golden era of WoW PvP. Try being the only one on your team. A lot of the perceived ‘fun’ drains out of the equation. That is what I experienced, and if you go back and read my paragraph, I believe I said “I honestly wish I could really go into detail here but I never made it more than 4 or 5 feet into the "RvR Zone" for the area without having 40 people jump into my asshole and proceed to cut their way out.” It was my honest wish to test it for you whores, but I couldn’t and stated thusly.


Borning, Boring, Boring. You can cry about it all you want, but I’ve played it, you haven’t, so I wonder who has more experience with it. QQ More.

Talents / Tactics

It’s different. Whoopty do. I didn’t love it, I didn’t hate it, and pretty much said as much.

General “Feel” of the Game

I would play it, then log out, and not want to log back in. The WoW beta (which, yes, I was in), never made me want to even log out. Yes, there was stuff like invisible mages that you could hear cooking up a pyroblast that you knew was going to kill you, but you persevered, because it was fun. I trudged thru every quest I did in WAR because I felt like I had to get a past the crap to where the game got fun. It never did. MAYBE I JUST DIDN’T REACH FUNTOWN. If Funtown is where the fun starts, though, the dev team needs to eliminate the road leading there, and make it the beginning zone. Why we should endure shit content to reach the good part is a design flaw I've never understood.


I touched on this. It looks bad. IT’S BETA. YES, I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN. THANK YOU CAPTAIN, PLEASE BE SEATED. Graphical polish is one of the last things to go in. Holy shit, it isn't a newsflash. I have an $800 video card, and a machine capable of using it, so it's not that i'm toning down graphical sliders or anything either. The animations and textures will be fleshed out, duh. I hate to use the W word, because it turns on the nerd-rage faucet, but the WoW beta was much cleaner. Like, retardedly cleaner. They had their art style figured out already, and were putting it in as they went. Maybe this dev team is just using placeholders everywhere, and will go back and recreate every texture the weekend before launch. Whatever. Maybe when I get home I'll post a screenshot to make everyone shut the fuck up. I erased the game from my laptop, so I can't do it from here. It wasn't fun. God, I wish I could just make you people understand.

For those still not happy, I really don’t know what to tell you, so I’m going to put it in here really big so you can’t miss it as your mousewheel melts with the fury of scrolling to the Flame Box at the end of the article:


But seriously, I’m not going to hold my breath based on what I’ve seen.

I hate you all.

Love, Iso

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