Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Oh Jeez, EVE Online...?

Oh boy, EVE. I tried EVE a long time ago, and was just... overwhelmed by it all. Setting up skills and learning them while offline, reading about people with 30 computer clusters that mined space ore all year long, then got fucked over by their best EVE buddy that turned out to be some quadruple agent for the Russian Mafia or whatever. It's all very complicated. Recently, though, new EVE drama has exploded when Something Awful's Goonfleet finally fucked over uber rivals Band of Brothers (BoB). The EVE heads love to call it 'the biggest heist in the universe!' because you know... space and all...

I won't pretend to know anything about any of this, except that I read a few stories, and found myself caught up in some drama I don't really understand. I know Goon tends to be, well... typical Goons. Mal'Ganis has a Goon Squad in WoW, and they're known for their... hijinks. They managed to kill their own faction leader, they kidnap and hold flightmasters hostage for hours on end and demand ransoms in trade chat. They grief, and love it.

In EVE they took this to new levels. They established who their foe was, the biggest 'guild' EVE had (BoB), and set about taking them down. Goon typically relies on zerg tactics; their motto is 'every ship counts'. They'll use cheap and disposable shit ships and 'jam your engines with our dead husks'... taking down huge cruisers with swarms of gnats. Goon peons are called 'little bees', and if this YouTube isn't the most awesome thing you've seen today, you've seen some pretty awesome shit then. Basically, a POS shield is like an AOE shield that will protect little ships during capital ship conflicts (if I understand right?) , and Suas here (a songwriter/raid leader?!) is telling the little bees to wait inside the shield until the order is given ("X for BoB's destruction... Little Bees"). He wrote and sang the song, someone else did the animation...

Fucking Legendary:


Apparently, the whole political espoinage thing is really big too, and they somehow ended up with an officer from BoB defecting over to Goon last week and taking everything with him.

It kinda sounds like an anti-victory... some dude just wired all the guild bank to someone else, and there was no massive conflict. Just a huge load of drama. I dug around some more on Goon, and found a few more videos on YouTube outlining their philosophy, but yeah. I think the last thing I need right now is another MMO, but I may need to take a 14 day peek and just see how it's come along. We lost a few raiders to EVE a while back, and then they'd come back on vent raving and telling us how we just didn't get it, nothing in WoW matters... it was like someone just found Jesus and was preaching to their friends about the promised land. Preaching to these same friends that are still pretty content to just sit around drinking 40s with their hands down their pants all day. Then someone would come into vent in the middle, and ask what the hell Razed was going on about, and we'd tell them that he had found some game where you fly around in space trying to dock your cruiser in other men's anuses.

Then Razed would leave vent, and we'd get back along with the raid.

But still....

... so who's got a corp invite for ol' Ixo? ;)


Anonymous said...

I've got a toon in Eve with about 15million Skill points (give or take a couple million) and I have no idea what I am doing. This would be because in the off and on i've had with Eve (Have a guy created for 3+ years but inactive for a large period of time) i've never done anything outside of Empire Space and only done missions. I really want to "get" in to Eve but I know absolutely no one in the game so i've never done anything, and my guy still sits in the newbie corp. Hell in the last 6 months I haven't even undocked and even forgot to train for a month or two. It's just a huge hurdle to grasp the game without other people around.

It says soemthing for the game that I keep the subscription active (ok it probably says I'm stupid :P ) in the hopes that eventually I connect with other people who play the game.

Anonymous said...

EvE is seriously either the most boring shit or the most exciting shit in the entire forever.


It makes my head hurt.

Anonymous said...

You gotta be a member of the Something Awful forums to join the corporation. I may be able to sponsor you but I don't play EVE anymore, and wasn't in the corp anyway.

Rich said...

Yeah, how does sponsorship work? Can you email me the lowdown on that, Jan? (ixobelle@gmail.com)

I could buy an SA forum account, 10 bucks won't break me, but I'm not sure I'd get much use out of it. Or maybe I'd just begin trolling there and it'd be my new favorite URL. Who knows.

Anonymous said...

I don't really know. I'm only there for the Weight & Watch forum.

Have a look at the MMO forum, I'm not sure it allows unregistered access but here it is:

Anonymous said...

GoonSwarm, the original alliance and source of all the drama, requires you to have been a relatively active poster on the forums.

There's a SA offshoot called Greater Goon that doesn't have stringent requirements, info here:

Good luck! :3

Anonymous said...

Yea. I tried this game for about 20 minutes and then when I realized it takes "Real time" to do things, so no matter how active you were shit just went on without you, I uninstalled it.

In mmorpgs, I level a character from nothing to max in a few days. I play for weeks at a time, foregoing sleep most days. I wasn't about to play a game where someone who's had an account longer beats me based on the sheer fact that he's been playing longer, regardless if he logs in 15 minutes a day.

Seniority shouldn't trump skill. But from what I've heard, the game is a drama fest and skill isn't needed. So yea, fuck a bunch of that.

Anonymous said...


It isn't quite as clear as "been in game longer = win"

Eve training works on vastly diminishing returns the longer you play. So yeah someone may have a ton more Skill points thna you they aren't used as cost effectively because the amount needed to train one level is so much larger (talking months to train a skill versus a few hours-days when you first start).

So someone who's been playing Launch is quite beatable by someone who started after them, just as you can't log in to WoW and instajib a level 80 you got ot put your time in in Eve. It definitely takes more time ot get to a point wher eyou can hold your own against that guy but it can be done.

Anonymous said...

Yea, I'm definitely not very knowledgeable on the whole Eve experience. I played for a bit, got bored and I wasn't really "Getting it". I'm a very graphically oriented person and it wasn't flashy enough. I'm shallow >.<

I however hate in game drama in any game. Shooters are awesome for this reason. Kill people, talk shit, play the next round, get camped for days, lob grenades, have fun. Same with WoW. I honestly have my account still active so I can log on my geared rogue and kill lowbies when I get bored. Terrible, I know. But fun.

Anonymous said...

Well they did recently revamp the graphics so the game doesn't look bad at all. But it IS space so not a whole lot to see aside from your ship :P

But yeah as I said above I don't think I "get" it either but I WANT To which makes this wierd problem were I am paying for a game I am not really playing.

Anonymous said...

Hurry and get the EVE affair out of your system. See you in wow soon.