...And this is what my posts have become.
My life is some hamster wheel, and I do the required walking to keep it spinning, but not much has come around the wheel recently, so I find a lack of interesting things to post about. My warrior has dinged 80, oh boy oh boy, but that's about as exciting as reporting that the sun has risen, because eventually it was bound to happen. I live my life's days going about my business, and then when night falls, I break out plastic vampire teeth, and raid Ulduar PUGs till 5 in the fucking morning.
It's not very healthy.
The deadly combination of having shit to do during the day (watch my son, pretend to be an active human), coupled with the 'you have fuck all to wake up early in the morning for (a.k.a A JOB)' spells disaster for our hero's sleep schedule, so while the house in Kurosaki sleeps, I throw back tall cans and begin to slur on vent.
I'm a horrible person, and will accept my position in Hell gleefully, assuming they get a decent wireless connection down there.
So it happened the other day that I found myself shopping. At a store named UNIQLO, which I'm not positive exists on the eastern side of the pacific. (***side note: I love that Japan and all of Asia is 'the east' when I took a plane westward to get here.) Imagine Old Navy, or some generic hipster store back home, and you're on the right track. They had a poster on the wall advertising Mega Man and Ghouls and Ghosts teeshirts, but the closest I could actually find to anything resembling them was a Xevious shirt, which I bought.
Now, at this point, I should go out of my way and just lay a few things on the line. While it's retarded enough to go buy hipster World of Warcraft clothing at Hot Topic that says 'for the horde' or whatever, how much gayer must it be to buy a Xevious shirt when really... I don't, like, hold any high scores on Xevious, and would probably be hard pressed to pick it out from a line up including Gradius and some knock offs? As far as I'm concerned, I know that it's at least similar to Gradius, so there's my frigging qualification to buy/wear the fucking thing, okay? Christ, it was 1500 yen, and I really wanted the Ghouls and Ghosts one, okay?
Fuck, I even hate how green it is. I'm never going to wear this frigging thing.
I suddenly became aware again of tee shirts in Japan, though, where before I had sort of built up a tolerance for them. When you see shirts proclaiming "Your Happy Is THE HERE FOR YESTERDAY!!!" everyday, your mind eventually just gives up, and you stop paying attention. I was gripped in the throes of Jap-o-shirt madness again, though, and decided to bask in it for a bit, as soon it will be gone.
There are a few different types of shirts in Japan that have English written on them...
1) The default "English Soup" variety that just picks words totally randomly, and mashes them together.
This is by far the most common tee shirt in Japan, and I really should have taken a few more shots to demonstrate how bad it is. PRESENT NOW EXIST EVERLASTING PLEASURE WORLD kinda sums it up pretty succinctly though, I think (*EDIT* added the second and third pics today). They range from a few words to full on paragraphs, but they're all horrible.
2) The shirts that actually contain "correct English", but make you wonder what the fuck inspired the sentence on them:
Um, okay. What is this, like a white guy's Thanksgiving Jersey? Pocahontas would be stoked, bro. Way to go, whitey... you finally get it? Wait, no... they're Japanese... I'm lost...
And 3) The ones that are totally awesome, but only by sheer accident:
That's my niece, Chisaki, modeling the tee shirt for your pleasure, and I had a hell of a time trying to explain to her what a "troll" was in my busted-ass Japanese. That there was two kinds; the ones that live under bridges, and ones that clog up internet forums, and how awesome this shirt was because it addressed the latter perfectly, being that I run a website. This shirt was LADIES ONLY, and ended up driving me to purchase the shitty Xevious shirt in disgust when my wife got this one without fully comprehending the significant double meaning, and I didn't want to walk away empty handed.
As a bonus feature, I include a picture from the as-of-yet-unknown-to-me FOURTH category of Japanese shirts. This was a rare discovery I made in the children's clothing section, shopping for a pair of shorts for my son:
Yes, the fourth (and rare!) category of Japanese tee shirts containing random English: Children's Apparel Containing the Word "Fuck". It was not my last wish to have my son Rocking, Kissing, and Fucking in America, so this one had to stay on the shelf.
Sorry, Roy. Maybe one day we can share that dream together on a victory tour of Japan in the future; but at 8 months old, I gotta draw a line in the sand (for now).
Saturday, May 9, 2009
...And this is what my posts have become.